When I say my 40s felt like pieces of a puzzle coming together, I mean that I’ve started to understand how the things I’ve experienced in life had to happen and how it all connects. I see and understand the lessons now. I see why a season of my career that I didn’t love was actually a season of rest. It allowed me to do things and live a life I never could have otherwise.

I’ve been reflecting on what the past nine years have meant to me as I enter this final year of the decade, and I wanted to share it with you. Before writing this post, I went through photos on my camera from nine years ago to remind myself of all that’s transpired, and I was simply in awe of the blessing of a life that I have. So much love and family, coupled with deep grief and loss. But going through those photos left me feeling grateful to have memories that can fill a lifetime of emotions.

So as I share this list, here’s to praying and manifesting a blessed 49, filled with growth, new opportunities, and an abundance of love and living.

1. Career Puzzle: I left a job that I absolutely loved because the work was slowly wearing me out in the worse way possible. The hours were brutal and the environment was toxic. But that job had been a big part of my identity, and once I left, after a few emotional bumps and turns, I rediscovered myself.

2. Body Puzzle: After a lifetime of having an emotionally toxic relationship with food and my body, I can honestly say that in my 40s, I love my body more than I ever have. So much wasted time, but by the grace of God, I have finally arrived.

3. Baby Puzzle: This was the biggest surprise piece of them all. A surprise pregnancy blessing at 45, and just like that I gave birth to my second child, after years of infertility struggles when trying for my first. We had made peace with having just one, because my oldest was already a miracle. And then came miracle number two. I have so much more to say about this experience and more about being 49 with a four year. (Future post coming soon..)

4. Loss Puzzle: My 40s were a decade of epic loss, growth, and self-love. I lost loved ones in ways that transformed me forever, some through sudden deaths, others through long illness. Each loss sharpened my urgency to live fully and to savor every single moment with the people I love.

5. Life Puzzle: We survived COVID and left the city for the suburbs. A major move for a family of die-hard, born-and-raised city folks, but no regrets. More space, more peace.

6. Spiritual Puzzle: My relationship with God in my 40s has been one of my greatest blessings. It grounds me and reminds me that I am not alone and that all will be well.

7. Family Puzzle: My family, both immediate and extended, is such a central part of my life. Nearly every other photo from the last nine years had them in it. I love them so much, and we’ve built so much together that has made my life incredibly full.

Whe I think my life as a puzzle, I now see the full picture as things slowly start to align and fall into place. Each piece had and will continue to have deep meaning and purpose in my life’s journey. I’m looking forward to 49, especially taking risks, continuing to grow Candidly Midlife, potentially becoming a certified Pilates reformer instructor and doing things that I’ve been nervous to do, removing fear from my decision making and living on my own terms.

What puzzle piece has surprised you most in this season of life?

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Candidly Midlife came straight from my heart and a deep desire to connect with women navigating this messy and beautiful stage of life. Six months ago, I didn’t know where I was going with this platform, but I knew I wanted a space for us — for me to grow, explore, and build community. Here I am today, growing and connecting with so many phenomenal women and enjoying this Substack journey. Since launching Candidly Midlife:

• I joined an 8-week Substack Writers Cohort with MVacay and made some amazing Substack friends

• I now have 51 subscribers

• I’ve launched TWO new content series A Morning Read & A Party of One

• I have one paid pledge of support — I’m not activating paid just yet, but I’m so grateful to that person for seeing and believing in me

• I’ve been consistent with posting

• I’m not obsessing over results

• I’ve stepped back from IG because I’ve discovered so many great writers here and a place where I feel poured into rather than fighting an algorithm

Writing has been so therapeutic for me. I’ve learned so many lessons during this process. The most important one is that I’ve grown a lot, not just in age, obviously, but in terms of my mindset. I used to be what I would call a “serial hobby starter.”

I’ve done everything since college. I used to sell Avon when I was in college, I was a makeup artist, I’m a certified doula, and so many other things (this is a topic for another post), but the point is that I’ve started a lot of things. I’m not scared to try and I love learning and exploring new avenues. However, when I was younger and I was doing them, my goal was focused on performing, making money, etc. and I didn’t always listen to myself on when to start, stop or continue.

But this time around, I’m not rushing it at all. When I tell you I listen to how I feel and what’s in my heart with so much intention. I don’t feel pressure about this becoming the next big revenue stream. Great if it does, but this is just for me and women like me and I think that’s why I’m enjoying this so much and I’m not stressed out.

Six months in, and I’m just getting started. Thanks to everyone who follows and subscribes, you make this feel worth showing up for.

Now tell me, what would you love to see me write about next?

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Here’s what we’re reading this week:

How Older Adults Improving their Sex Span In case you didn’t know, older folks are having sex and lots of it. A great article about sexual longevity and the creative, alternative options worth exploring.

Being Stronger Means You’re Likely to Live Longer We’ve always known the power of movement, but as we get older, the type of movement matters just as much. Strength training is essentially at this stage of life and beyond.

Super-Agers Brains Have a Special Ability Read this to know if you’re a super ager and what you can do to strengthen your brain health s you get older.

On Our Bookshelf

Just purchased Kin by Tayari Jones and can’t wait to dive in!

Substackers We Love

Jane Fonda Wellness - Yes THE Jane Fonda is on Substack and she covers everything from wellness and aging and so much more. I’m a huge fan; she’s been such a powerful advocate for causes that are deeply important to us.

The Old Black Lady Chronicles - Gail is a life coach who shares the blueprint for reinventing life at nearly 70! She’s honest, inspiring and challenges us to live more authentically.

On The Gram (IG Creator of the Week)

We love seeing so many phenomenal creators over 50 who are building platforms that speak directly to our needs. Today we’re spotlighting someone creating content that invites us to embrace life with

Mimi of HeyMiddleAge the self-proclaimed “Pro-Age Midlife Enthusiast” - Mimi is joy and happiness on your timeline! She’s an inspiration for what it means to embrace this stage of life with so much vigor and excitement.

Did you know?

M Factor 2 Documentary - The M Factor 2 documentary debuts on PBS on March 19^th. it digs into the complicated relationship society and women have been forced to have with menopause. From the lack of medical support, to societal pressures and more. I’ll be tuning in.

What are you reading lately? Anything we should add to the next roundup?

You ever have the urge to do something spontaneous for yourself, and then immediately spiral? Calling close friends for validation, texting your nieces “hey I’m having a midlife crisis” HELP. That happened to me recently, and I learned a valuable lesson I want to share.

I was traveling for work last week and had a genuinely semi-shitty work week. Just one manufactured chaos after another, work being unnecessarily difficult for no real reason. When I finally made it home on Friday night, I was exhausted. I didn’t have much planned for the weekend, but my oldest asked me to take her to the mall. I didn’t feel like going, but I said yes. Whenever I travel for work, I like to come home and spend extra quality time with my kids. I also had this urge to treat myself and planned on buying something for me.

While we were at the mall, my daughter brought up wanting to get her nose pierced. I told her no, but her wanting one reminded me that I’ve always wanted to pierce my nose and never had the guts to do it. I’ve always worried about whether it’s appropriate for work, what my family will think, my husband, the whole damn world, because apparently my nose piercing is of the utmost importance to everyone. LOL. It’s so insane how I allow the opinions of others to impact such a small decision.

Anyway, I told my daughter we could revisit her getting a piercing another time, but that I actually think I want to do it. She was cool and excited, and so we started going to different stores to see who does nose piercings. I learned that not all of them do.

Meanwhile, I still wasn’t 100% sure I even wanted to go through with it, so of course I start feverishly texting close friends and family to HELP me figure this out. I got a range of responses — “remember the time you wanted to dye your hair turquoise and didn’t do it? LOL, to laughing emojis and a message from my sweet niece and little cousin who were just like: “DO IT, we support you.”

So we walk to the jewelry store. I get in line, still freaking out, not sure what the hell I’m doing, but I sit and talk to the piercing tech and two young ladies who were also waiting to get piercings, and a few minutes later, there I was getting my nose pierced with my kids.

This is me post piercing :)

I guess the urge I felt to buy something for myself was really just a desire for something spontaneous. Something for me.

Now here’s where the lesson comes in. When my friends and family found out I’d actually done it, whether they called or I told them, I found myself feeling the need to over-explain why I did it. After the third conversation, I said to myself, girl, what are you doing? You did this for you. You don’t have to explain. I’m almost 49 years old. I don’t have a reason and I don’t have a story. I just wanted to. And guess what, that’s ok.

I’m slowly learning to untangle old habits of worrying about what people think. I’ve come a long way, but sometimes it creeps back up and I just have to keep snapping myself out of it.

So I’m writing this to remind myself and you that your decisions, big or small, are yours. People may not understand them, and that’s ok. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. I did it for me. Point. Blank. And it was terrifying, fun, freeing and liberating all at once.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

So tell me, what’s your nose piercing story? What’s something small that you’ve wanted to do but just haven’t done? What’s stopping you?

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I started my solo dates as part of reading The Artist’s Way, where you’re encouraged to take weekly artist dates to help tap into your creativity. Now that I’ve completed the book, I want to continue this solo dating journey because I always leave a date feeling reconnected to myself and I now know how powerful spending time with yourself can be.

In launching “A Party of One", my hope is that this new series will inspire you to schedule monthly me-time and dates for yourself, because there’s no better party than a party of one

Today’s Date: Le Pain Quotidien

The Vibe: It was a Friday at 2:30pm. I usually work from home on Fridays, but came in today for a few meetings. I left work a bit early and honestly didn’t plan anything specific for my date. I wanted my first solo date to be simple and stress-free. I just knew I was hungry and would go wherever the universe led me. I know, very woo-woo, but that’s just what I was feeling. I left my building, whispered to myself “you’re on your first date” and just started walking. I passed a restaurant and bakery called Le Pain Quotidien that I used to love when they first opened many years ago, felt a wave of nostalgia, and decided to stay for lunch. I also didn’t realize they now have locations with actual wait staff and not just grab-and-go so that was a lovely surprise!

The Food: Because food is always involved I had a hearty salad that was simply DELICIOUS, and a lemonade.

The Creative Work: I brought the The Four Agreements with me. I have started and stopped this book so many times and I’m still not done. But I’m committed to finishing it one day. I got through a few pages and then… hello, Instagram rabbit hole. Yikes.

Random Moment: I overheard a woman sitting next to me, who had just moved to NYC from France, interviewing with a manager at Le Pain Quotidien for a job. Interviewing is never easy, no matter the level or position, and it’s especially hard when you’re not only in a new city but a new country. I hope she got the job.

How I Felt: Honestly? Proud. I was proud of myself for actually making the time and committing to it. Normally I leave work rushing home because of the kids. But today, I was focused on my time.p

Where to Next? Not sure, let’s see where the universe takes me.

Now it’s your turn. If you haven’t taken yourself on a date lately, consider this a sign. And let us know in the comments where you plan on taking yourself.

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Here’s what we’re reading and listening to this week:

• The #1 Money Habit That Sets You Up for Financial Freedom, if you’re like me, thinking about your financial future and planning for retirement is top of mind. This was a phenomenal podcast interview with David Bach, author and personal finance expert, where he shares easy-to-understand advice on a variety of relevant topics.

• The Impact of Sugar, sugar really is the devil, and this interview further confirms what we already know, that sugar is simply bad for our health. I highly recommend everyone listens to this episode and make one change today to reduce your sugar intake. I know I am!

• 5 Conversations to Have With Your Aging Parents, I remember during the pandemic working with my parents to finalize their will. It was a tough experience, just the thought of the inevitable, but I learned so much about their wishes that I had no clue they felt strongly about. This is a great read on where to get started and what types of information you should ask your parents.

• Colorectal Cancer: What Millennials and Gen Zers Need to Know, while this article is focused on why there’s such an increase in younger people having colorectal cancer, I wanted to share it as a reminder to SCHEDULE YOUR COLONOSCOPY. I had my first one in December.

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Substackers We Love

• Karen Blue, an 81-year-old who is taking us on the journey of reinvention at any age. Her writing is honest, inspiring and empowering. Karen shows us that it’s never ever too late to purse your dreams and do what your heart desires. I absolutely adore her Substack.

• Katie Sturino, I just discovered that Katie is on Substack and I AM NOT OK!!I LOVE HER. Katie is an OG body positive influencer and also the founder of mega babe. Her Substack Lobby Coffee, chronicles the realities of life after 40 and the changes we’re navigating. She brings a perfect dose of humor, honesty and transparency that we can all relate to

On The Gram (IG Creators of the Week)

We love seeing so many phenomenal creators over 50 who are building platforms that speak directly to our needs. Today we’re spotlighting someone creating content to help us stay fit and strong.

Missy DePino, aka @thewildsister, Missy’s care free fashion style and approach to living life to the fullest and on her own terms is fun and motivating!

That’s your Morning Read for this week! As always, let us know what you’re reading or listening to lately. I love hearing what’s resonating with you.

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Read past "A Morning Read" articles here

Psst.. can I tell you a secret? I’m 48 (about to be 49 in a few weeks) and I’m experiencing the most exciting transformation of my life and it has nothing to do with hot flashes. Lately, I feel like where ever you turn between friends, social media, everyone is talking about menopause and hot flashes. I worry that the conversation around midlife is so heavily centered around menopause that it reduces this stage of life to hot flashes and menopause, when this phase encompasses so much more.

I am 1,000% grateful that we’re living in a time where talking about menopause is no longer taboo as it was for past generations of women. What a blessing for us and I’m deeply grateful for that. I often think that I can’t even remember when my mother was dealing with menopause because she never talked about it. I never heard her complain and that makes me sad for her that she suffered in silence. We don’t have to anymore and that’s liberating!!! And the next generation of women will benefit tremendously from that.

Now here’s where I have a problem, yes, menopause is a huge factor and turning point in midlife, especially with the massive changes to our bodies. But outside of menopause there’s a shift that happens in the person we’re becoming. This stage brings a mix of feelings, excitement at the possibilities of what your next phase of life can be, but also fear as you reckon with a life that once was but is no longer.

Perhaps you’re becoming an empty nester and have to adjust to life without caring for kids. While most parents (myself included) pray for the day our kids leave and go on to live abundant lives, we also know it comes with an emotional weight that we’re not prepared to handle. What do we do with all that time? How do we adjust to not being needed in the same way?

Our careers are changing, some of us are coming from having big titles, salaries, but now all of a sudden work doesn’t excite us anymore. We’re redefining what work means to us and exploring what comes after a fruitful career. But also ageism in the workplace starts to creep in, companies are hiring younger and now all of a sudden your experience is seen as “too expensive” rather than valuable.

Another example is for those of us who are caring for aging parents. Now that’s a part of this stage that requires a manual on how to handle it. From going through hoops to figure out their insurance, to the emotional and financial toll, I wish there were seminars and classes that we can take to prepare us for caring for our parents. My father is almost 87 and my mom is 80, I’ve seen it firsthand based on my own experience, other family members and friends that nothing prepares you for caregiving.

These are just a few examples, but they illustrate a larger point: this period comes with profound change that touches every aspect of our lives, our relationships, our work, our identity and our purpose.

So yes, menopause is a big part of midlife, but are we missing out on the full richness by focusing so heavily on one phase?

What do you think? What parts of your transformation have most surprised you? What do you wish was talked about more?

Let’s talk about it!

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It’s the week of love, aka Valentine’s Day! We love all things love at Candidly Midlife. To love, to be loved to experience love is truly a blessing and something I wish for every human being to have.

Today we want to talk about self-love, because, no matter your relationship status, the most important love story is the one you have with yourself. Whether you’re in a relationship, married, divorced single, widowed or in a situationship, or flying solo, it’s time to prioritize loving on YOU! Today is the perfect reminder to love on YOU first! How often do we love on ourselves the way we should. Answer: NOT ENOUGH. We pour into our families, children, work, but deprioritize ourselves.

You know what I love the most about getting older? Appreciating ME more. Loving who I am and who I’ve become. We spend so much time in our lives being riddled with insecurities. As a teenage girl, for me it was about my weight, our insecurities we’re on full display. But now, at this big old age of mine, I fully appreciate my own beauty. It took me a long time to get here, but man I am grateful. And we deserve to fall in love with our dope, badass selves!

So this Valentine’s Day, we want to share some ideas and inspiration on ways you can be your own valentine, but also on how you should treat yourself everyday not just on Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day just gives us a great excuse !

• Plan a Solo Staycation – Book a hotel in your city, just you, a few outfits, a good book, a journal and a bottle of wine.

• Take a Cooking Class – Cooking classes are so much fun and it’s a great way to meet other people while learning how to make an awesome meal.

• Buy New Lingerie – Because we can never have enough lingerie. Get a new pair of thongs, a cute cami set and something that makes you feel sexy and confident.

• Wine Tasting Class – Indulge in an amazing wine pairing classes either online or in-person. Just plan to take an uber or cab home if in-person. Check out the International Wine Center.

• Plan a Self-Care Day – For my beauty ladies, plan a mani/pedi, massage or facial followed by lunch. For my fitness girls, try a new class like Pilates (in case you haven’t noticed, I’m going to always find a way to mention Pilates here )

• Take a Floral Making Class – I’ve been wanting to take a floral arrangement class. I love flowers and find is so relaxing when I make a DIY bouquet at home. Checkout Class Bento for classes in different states

• A Pottery Class – I recently took my first pottery class at the Pottery Studio and really enjoyed working with my hands. They have locations in NY, Chicago and LA.

I hope these ideas inspire you to plan sometime for loving on yourself. And if splurging on yourself this week is not available to you either due to finances or time, do one small thing. Like getting your favorite latte, buying lunch instead of packing lunch from home, going for a walk. There are so many little things we can do to put a smile on our face. It doesn’t have to be big.

Happy Valentine’s Day Week!

Xoxo

Cassandre

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We’re thrilled to launch a new series called “A Morning Read” a weekly rundown of articles, research, people and musings that speaks to the chapter we’re in.

Here’s what we’re reading this week:

What We’re Reading

NY Times Well – What Menopause Does to the Body NYT created a thoughtful guide that breaks down the impact menopause has on the brain and body. It’s interactive and educational and a reminder that menopause literally impacts every organ in our bodies.

Yahoo – Why Women in Midlife are Losing Patience for Things They Once Tolerated
We felt seen with this list, what else would you add?

The Guardian – How to Live Well After Midlife Longevity has become a trending topic everywhere.

Substackers We Love

· Girls of a Certain Age - · Kim was the founding Editor for Lucky magazine. A fashion magazine I grew up reading. She has an incredible Substack where she curates some of the best fashion finds by category! I’ve purchased several items from her weekly “What I Want, What I Brought” series.

· Brandie Freely - · Brandie’s Substack inspires me to be so intentional about creating the life I want to live with purpose and clarity.

On The Gram (IG Creators of the Week)

We love seeing so many phenomenal creators over 50 who are building platforms that speak directly to our needs. Today we’re spotlighting someone creating content to help us stay fit and strong.

For Fitness: Fit & Fierce with Donnie I have so many of Donnie’s exercises saved on my IG account, especially her knee friendly ones. She offers easy and practical moves.

Product of the Week:

We’re obsessed with most Trader Joe’s products, but this Vitamin C firming cream, is especially good. It smells beautiful with a light citrusy scent, my skin feels great and the price is right. When you see it buy a few as they sell out quickly.

Did you know?

Peloton has a Menopause Health Collection of workouts catered towards our needs

What are you reading lately? I’m always on the lookout for thoughtful finds to share, so send anything that’s inspired you my way.

Happy Saturday.

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As we thought about how we wanted to celebrate Black History Month, we knew we wanted it to be intentional, honest and uplift Black culture.

We’re thrilled to present our inaugural list of Black female leaders, journalist, writers, and mental health experts who are doing the work to keep us informed, preserve our stories, and protect our peace and overall health & wellness.

We can all play a part in telling our stories, but today we want to shine a light on few women we absolutely adore and want to give their flowers.

The Journalists, Writers and Storytellers – These women are truth-tellers rooted in facts and committed to documenting Black stories and Black lives. Their words speak life and immense love for Black culture and community.

• Nikole Hannah-Jones

• Joy-Ann Reid

• Jacquie Verbal (Founder of Blackstack on Substack)

The Mental Health Experts – These leaders are creating safe spaces, shifting the conversation around mental health and reminding Black women that healing is both necessary and deserved.

• Raquel Martin, PHD

• Dr. Shante Holley

• Therapy for Black Girls

The Health & Wellness Crew – From fitness to reproductive health to educating the communities about conditions that disproportionately impact Black women, this group has one shared goal, helping us live healthier, fuller lives.

• Black Women’s Health Imperative

• Dr. Heather Irobunda

• Fit and Fierce with Donnie

• Thick Chick Pilates

The Rest Warriors – This group is leading the movement to normalize rest, boundaries, and softness in a world that expects Black women to carry so much.

• The Nap Ministry

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The Protectors of Black Authors – At a time where the erasure of Black voices is accelerating, we must protect and support the people preserving our literary legacy

• Glory Edim Founder “Well-Read Black Girl”

• Cafe Con Libros

• Gladys Book & Wine

This list is just a starting point. There are so many women doing incredible work, and I hope you discovered someone new who inspires you to read more, rest more, and reconnect with the power of our stories.

Who else would you add to this list?

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*warning*

Can I keep it real and human and talk about current events. Read on if you’re open to healthy discussions, otherwise this post may not be for you.

What’s happening in Minneapolis right now is deeply concerning and could be in any other city, including the one you live in. The death by federal agents of two American citizens, Renee Good a few weeks ago and Alex Jeffrey Pretti yesterday, saddens me so much. I was at the mall with my kids when I heard about Alex’s death and I just felt a level of sadness for him, his family, this country and for all of us. This isn’t normal. We are witnessing a level of death, grief and loss live, like a bad movie and the impact to our mental health and nervous system is grave.

Both Renee Good and Alex Jefferey Pretti, could be any of us. No matter where you stand politically, you have the right to peacefully protest for causes that are important to you. It’s called the First Amendment. I remember when I was younger, my father would take us to peaceful protests about different causes, especially when it was in support of issues impacting Haiti. From NY to DC my sisters would make signs and walk and protest PEACEFULLY with our parents. I always felt safe. And as I got older, I thought how lucky we were that my parents instilled the belief in fighting for what you believe is right.

So to see two people, who based on clear video footage peacefully protesting dying just makes me sick to stomach.

So here I am writing my feelings because I simply didn’t know what else to do or how to process this. I refuse to normalize innocent people dying. I just can’t. I yearn for us to come together as a community and build, regardless of color, political belief, socio-economic status, whatever measure we as a society has allowed to divide us, we need to remove them and realize in the words of Maya Angelou that “we are more alike than different.”

Now more than ever we need community. I need community. And I also need to protect my peace in whatever small ways I can, through rest, movement, writing, turning my phone off (because the dooms scrolling is very real), leaning on my spirituality and remembering that I’m allowed to feel it all without being consumed by it. Days like today just feels harder to not feel overwhelmed by it, but I’m trying not to.

This is one of the realities of getting older, we can’t control the world, but we can still care deeply about it and be intentional about how we take care of ourselves inside of it.

As I get older, I’m much more aware of acknowledging how I’m feeling in real-time. It’s ok to feel sad, to be empathetic, to be angry, it just means that you care. The key to navigating those emotions is learning how to balance them with caring for yourself in ways that are healing and nourishing for you.

This past weekend my best friend hosted an adult birthday pajama party, which by the way I highly recommend for you and your friends. We joked, we laughed, we ate, we played games, we talked about our perimenopause symptoms and we DRANK!! We had a TIME!

I left the party with such a full heart that I spent the rest of the weekend in deep gratitude, not only for the meaningful friendships in my life, but for moments like this, where women can come together and truly pour into each other in an intimate way.

In this season of life, I need my friends now more than ever. Our friendships sustain us in deep and meaningful ways.

We are all navigating so much, caring for aging parents, unexpected job shifts, raising kids, divorces, health scares and everything in between. Life is full. Life is heavy. And sometimes, just getting through any given week feels like an accomplishment.

Moments like the pajama party are a reminder that we don’t have to go through life alone.

Our journeys are so uniquely similar, yet we often forget to lean on one another. We mean to reach out, but “life be lifing,” as the young folks say. And while we must give each other grace, we also have to be intentional, because connection doesn’t happen accidentally in midlife.

This stage of life is filled with peaks and valleys. It is easier when we can walk through it together, in true sisterhood.

So today, I just want to remind you:

• Send the text.

• Make the call.

• Make the plans.

• Tell your people you love them.

And if your circle is small, that’s okay. I’ve always been a quality over quantity woman when it comes to friendships. I know making new friends at this age can feel awkward and hard, but it is still possible. Some of the most meaningful friendships in my life were formed in later seasons.

Because solid friendships are truly a blessing.

I hope you’re starting the week well-rested after the holiday break. I’ll be honest, getting back into a routine with the kids this morning and commuting again was… a lot. It might take me a full week to re-enter reality. Mentally, I’m still in the islands enjoying 80 degree weather (we were in the Caribbean visiting family during the break). But here we are in the bitter cold.

As we step into this new year, I wish you nothing but love, happiness, and joy. Truly. May 2026 be filled with growth, connection, and moments that feel meaningful to you.

January, though, is a complicated month. It carries excitement, yes, but also pressure. Pressure to start fresh. To have a perfect plan outlining all of your goals. To know exactly what you want and how you’re going to get there. Kudos to anyone who already has it all figured out (insert sarcasm).

As you ease into this year, I want to gently remind you not to fall into the January “new year, new you” trap. January is just a month, no different from any other. If you’re feeling inspired to create a vision board, set goals, or plan the year ahead, by all means, go for it. But if you’re not there yet, that’s okay too.

Give yourself grace. Give yourself space. When you’re ready, you’ll know.

For me, this year isn’t about resolutions. It’s about intention. I’m choosing to build off of where I left off last year, like leaning in deeper into the moments that nourish me and being honest with myself. The kind of honesty that honors where I am in this season of life.

I’m deciding to move at a pace that feels realistic.

I’m deciding to trust that I don’t need all the answers in January, or even in February.

This year, I’m choosing intention over urgency.

If that resonates with you, you’re in the right place.

Here’s to entering 2026 on our own terms.

When I first started writing this newsletter, my intention was to do a personal year-in-review — recapping the highs, the moments that tested me, the moments that made me cry, the ones that helped me grow, and the ones that stretched me.

But honestly, over the past few days, the weight of the world has been heavy on my spirit and my heart. The mass shootings this past weekend at Brown University, Bondi Beach in Australia, and the gruesome murder of Rob Reiner and his wife made it hard for me to write about my year.

While I’m a huge proponent of finding moments of joy in the midst of sadness, it didn’t feel authentic to move forward without acknowledging that 2025 has been incredibly heavy and at times, deeply heartbreaking.

We’re all navigating our own personal battles and when you couple that with the constant weight of the world, it’s easy to spiral into what we like to call doomsville. But if you’re reading this now, you made a different choice. You showed up despite everything.

And I just want say, you did it. You showed up when it would’ve been easier to shut down.

As we close out this year, I want to invite you to celebrate your wins. Not the highlight-reel wins.

The quiet ones.

The invisible ones.

The ones you didn’t post on social media.

The ones that simply look like getting through the day, choosing yourself, or staying soft in a hard world.

Setting boundaries.

If 2025 taught us anything, it’s that resilience requires a quiet strength.

Wherever you are as we get closer to year end, I hope you take a moment to honor yourself. You carried more than anyone knows and that counts.

Thank you for being here, for reading and for showing up with honesty this year.

I’ll see you in 2026!

It’s Giving Tuesday, a day that encourages us to support organizations doing good in the world and in our communities. Serving those in need is something deeply personal to me. When I was in college, I organized toy drives at my local hospital, collecting donations from friends and family, then delivering gifts to kids on Christmas Day.

My family and I would also cook meals for a local teen homeless shelter and serve dinner. I still remember how I felt after each visit and what it meant to the people we were serving. I always left feeling so full at being able to make a difference for someone, even if just for a day.

My family is from Haiti, a country with deep poverty. For as long as I can remember, my father was always helping someone, whether it was someone back home who needed support, or a neighbor who needed a place to stay, food, help with bills, or care for their children. My sisters and I used to joke that our parents were always helping someone and there was always someone new in our home. It’s a value that is deeply rooted in my family, and one I carry with me.

So today, on Giving Tuesday, I wanted to share a few organizations I support, ones that align with causes close to my heart in hopes that you can donate to them today.

I also know times are tough and financial contribution may not be possible for everyone. If giving money isn’t an option right now, I hope you’ll feel inspired to give your time. Many organizations are in need of hands-on support, and there are countless ways to make an impact right where you are.

GLOBAL + NATIONAL These organizations are doing powerful and mission driven work across the country and around the world to support health, hunger, teen homelessness and basic human needs.

Partners In Health

No Kid Hungry

Covenant House

HAITI This is a personal category for me. Haiti is in tremendous need of support and there are so many organizations on the ground doing meaningful work, these are just a few.

CHF Foundation

Mama Baby Haiti

MATERNAL & WOMEN’S HEALTH As a Doula and huge advocate for women’s health, I’m passionate about organizations that protect, support, and advance women’s wellness through research, care and community.

HealthConnectOne

Black Women's Health Imperative

Planned Parenthood

HOMELESS/UNHOUSED COMMUNITIES: Beauty 2 the Streetz (Ms. Shirley is on the ground in the homeless communities of LA, Nevada and many other cities, offering supplies, food, personal care products and more. She is truly doing the lords work)

HURRICANE RELIEF (JAMAICA + HAITI) Both Haiti and Jamaica suffered catastrophic disasters after Hurricane Melissa. Recovery will take years. These organizations are doing meaningful work on the ground.

American Friends of Jamaica

Hope for Haiti

Together, we truly can make a difference, every action, every dollar, every shared resource helps.

Peace & Blessings

It’s our first very first holiday gift guide, and we’re so excited to share it with you!! What makes this guide so special is that it was specifically created with you in mind, women navigating midlife and looking for products, tools that truly support this chapter. We’re also highlighting a few brands from female founders over 40 WOOT WOOT!

At Candidly Midlife, we’re all about women supporting women, in life, in wellness and absolutely in business. And right now, small businesses need our love more than ever. So as we head into Black Friday, one of the biggest shopping days of the year, we encourage you to support some of the incredible small businesses featured in this guide. A few of these products we’ve personally tried and loved, and you’ll see that noted throughout.

Happy Shopping!

Creativity + Self-Discovery - Midlife is a beautiful evolution, these picks will help you deepen your creativity, clarity and joy!

• The Artist’s Way (This book transformed my year)

  The Artist's Way

• Let Them Theory The book that planted the seed for Candidly Midlife

  Let Them Theory

• Class Bento Gift Certificate (From Austin to NYC to Seattle and beyond, Bento Classes have creative arts classes for adults who are ready to play again)

  Class Bento

• Spot Joy Journal by Alex Elle

  Alex Elle is one of our favorite go-to wellness baddies. Her journal helps you tap into gratitude, intention and your biggest dreams

  Spot Journal

Beauty & Hair Care
Because beauty makes it all better!!!

• Copper Faucet Beauty Discovered this brand at the holiday market at Grand Central Terminal in NYC and their body oil is simply AMAZING

  Copper Faucet Soap

• Soap Cherie The lavender patchouli is our FAVORITE

  Soap Cherie

• Wrapped Beauty for the ladies with a lot of hair who can never find a shower cap to big enough to do the job, this is a dream

  Wrapped Beauty

Health & Wellness - Taking caring for our minds and bodies during midlife is ESSENTIAL. These gifts help jump-start a reset or deepen a routine.

• Classpass gift certificate

  Classpass

• Assortment of Free Weights, Ankle & Wrist Weights - A great way to build a consistent at home routine. I use this brand in pilates and LOVE them.

  Stakt Weights

• Girlfriend Collective - Sustainable, comfy we love our curves activewear. Huge fans here!

  Girlfriend Collective

Fashion/Jewelry - Because midlife is the time to experiment, play and bedazzle!

• Preciously Polished I own pieces from this brand and they’re gorgeous

  Preciously Polished

• Dressed in Joy Vibrant, bold and joyful fashion. I own one of their sweatshirts and it’s always a conversation starter

  Dressed in Joy

The Most Important Gift

The most meaningful gift you can give a woman in midlife, especially a midlife momma, is the gift of TIME. Time for herself, time to move her body. Time to rest and reflect, and pour back into her heart and soul.

She deserves that and more.

With love,

Your Candidly Midlife Crew

This might be my shortest newsletter ever, but I wanted to share something that’s been on my heart and mind this week. In one of my earlier newsletters, I shared that I’m reading The Artist’s Way, which is a 12-week (life changing) book and program that helps you tap into your creativity in a spiritually aligned way. I’m on week 9, and I can’t believe the journey I’ve been on. I look forward to sharing more with you all in the future.

One of the things I love about the book is that it’s filled with quotes that are so powerful enough to move you to action.

This week, I had a goal of sharing Candidly Midlife with more people, and honestly, I’ve been stalling. Whenever you create something new, that’s special to you, you fear sharing it with the world because you fear the response may not be positive. But I’m learning that fear is all a lie.

I created this because I want to connect with other women navigating midlife in hopes we can support and help each other. So how can I now be afraid to share it with people? CRAZINESS RIGHT?!

Midlife has moved me to lead with heart and take risks in a way that I haven’t always felt comfortable doing (early career me, could have used this new found courage) and it’s scary and exhilarating. I’m learning to lead with my heart more and take risks no matter how big or small. Because if midlife has taught me anything, it’s that growth and breakthroughs usually live on the other side of fear.

While reading this week, I came across this quote from The Artist’s Way:

I felt this quote so deeply. Courage is at the root of our day to day. It takes courage to show up to work when you don’t want to, to confront someone who may have wronged you, to decide that a relationship no longer serves you or to share something new you’ve created.

This week, I decided to share Candidly Midlife more broadly with my followers on social media, family and friends. I’ve been waiting to do this for awhile now. The response was overwhelming, and I’m deeply grateful for the support and love and I don’t even know what I was waiting for to do this.

I wanted to share this to say one, whatever area of your life that you need a boost of courage, this is your reminder from me to DO IT!. Let go of the worry, let go of what people will think, let go of negative thoughts. I know how crippling fear can be sometimes, but I promise you at the other side of that fear is a WIN! You will always regret not doing it at all.

I also want to say a huge THANK YOU to my friends and family for the support, follow, shares and subscribing. May we continue to support each other in all our creative and entrepreneurial endeavors.

Have a great weekend!!

If this resonated, send it to a friend who could use a little courage today!

It’s November, the time has changed, it’s getting colder outside, and with it comes this weird sense of finality. For some of us, that feeling excites us: time to finish the year strong, cross off those goals, and prove something (to ourselves, mostly). For others, it’s paralyzing, that quiet panic that maybe we haven’t done enough, haven’t become enough, haven’t figured it all out yet.

This time of year always brings out three types of people:

• Those knee-deep in holiday decorations, already buying gifts and checking names off their list.

• Those spiraling in reflection mode, suddenly reassessing their whole life.

• And the “F&CK it” crew, the ones who’ve decided the year’s basically done and they’ve done their best. (We love those people.)

Wherever you land on that list, I want to offer a different perspective, one that softens the anxiety, celebrates the planners, and honors the rest-and-reset crew.

First, let’s start with gratitude: we’re here y’all. Alive. Able to see another month.

Each month is a fresh canvas, a chance to start again, keep trying, or hit reset. We don’t just get one shot. We get many. And if we lean into that truth, the pressure to “finish strong” starts to loosen its hold on us.

Midlife is already a season of deep transformation, mentally, physically, emotionally. When we pile on the pressure of time, it can send us into a dark place. So instead, here are a few ways to make peace with the rest of the year, on your own terms:

1. Reflect Before You Rush

Make a list of what you’ve accomplished this year, not just the shiny wins like you got a promotion at work, but the quiet victories too (example: you prioritized your health and wellness). The hard days you pushed through (example: you were caring for your elderly Mom or Dad). The losses you survived. The moments you kept showing up. You made it through ten months of life, and that counts.

2. Focus on a Few

If you still have the energy to chase a few goals, write down five, then pick two. Just two. Completing those alone will give you the sense of closure you’re craving.

3. Give Yourself Permission to Pause

You can also choose rest. Truly. You can say, “You know what? I’m good with where I’m at. Goals can wait.

4. Look Ahead – Softly

Start planting the seeds for 2026, journal, host a vision board party, take yourself out on a solo date, or simply tap into your creativity more. Inspiration has a funny way of popping up when you slow down and allow yourself to feel it and hear it.

However you move through this month, remember this:

You’ve already done so much, probably more than you give yourself credit for.

So breathe.

Celebrate yourself.

And know that whatever the rest of the year brings, you did that.

How are you feeling this November, already in holiday mode, hustling to the finish line, or saying “F&CK it”?

If you’re reading this, welcome to Candidly Midlife! This is our corner of the digital world to get real about the changes, challenges and joys that comes with this next chapter of life.

When I first started dreaming about this space, I didn’t want another “how to fix yourself” kind of community. I also didn’t want another menopause only community. Yes, menopause is a part of the journey but it’s not the only thing. I wanted a place where we could laugh, vent, and rediscover ourselves together, with honesty, humor and heart.

HOW DID WE GET HERE; MY STORY

I’m not a huge fan of self-help books, I haven’t read too many, and when I do, I rarely get much from them. But something shifted in me in 2025. I read two books that truly changed my life. One was The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, a book I’ve started and stopped probably ten times in my life. It’s a 12-week creativity and spirituality course that helps you tap into your inner artist in a deep and transformative way. The other was The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, which helps you rethink how much you let other people’s actions affect you.

The Let Them Theory made me realize that throughout my life, I’ve often made decisions and allowed myself to shrink because of societal pressures and what others might think, in ways I hadn’t fully admitted to myself. The Artist’s Way helped me rediscover my creativity and unblock old ways of thinking that were holding me back. It reminded me that I want to live life on my own terms, and that I can create the life I desire. And what better time to do that than midlife — a season that forces you to reckon with the life you’ve lived versus the life you still want to create?

To me, midlife is a blank canvas — a chance to start over, with confidence, and on my own terms.

Enter Candidly Midlife…

Candidly Midlife is a community for women (and the folks who love us) to be real and raw about navigating this stage of life. Whether your in your mid-40’s or 50’s this stage of life with so much we’re managing, changes in our health (hey, peri), shifts in our careers (some of us are quitting by choice, go girl!), layoffs (hello, ageism), caregiving for parents, adult kids are coming back home, or for some of us, like me, raising little ones again. Others are launching businesses, traveling, or simply finding new ways to live fully because, truthfully, we’re not done yet.

If you can relate, Candidly Midlife is for you — a community of people who are building the life they want while navigating all the bumps that come with it. Here, we share stories, offer advice when we can, and create a safe space to do midlife together. It’s not always easy, it’s not always fun, and there’s no playbook — but oh, the possibilities of living a life imagined are worth the journey.

A Little About Me :)

I’m a midlifer on a mission to design how I want to live this next chapter. I’m a busy mom of two (14 and 3, yes, I had a surprise COVID baby at 45!). I’m a marketer, a doula, a health and wellness enthusiast, and a recent Pilates convert :). I’m enjoying life, deeply grateful, and embracing the lessons that got me here.

I’m so excited you’re here — let’s get candid together about midlife.

With love and gratitude,

Cassandre

When I think about turning 50 in two years, I can’t help but reflect on all the things I still want to accomplish—and how I can make them a reality. The saying “if not now, then when?” hits differently as you get older. When will I start building the ideas that live in my heart, my mind, and even my iPhone notes? When will I begin pouring more into me?

Image Credit

Midlife is funny. It forces you to reckon with the life you’re living, the life you desire, and how you want to spend the rest of your years. I want to be happy. I want to be free from the weight of other people’s opinions. I want to be fearless. I want to live midlife differently than my parents did.

We have so many resources and so much knowledge about aging that our parents never had. My parents’ only retirement goal was to return to Haiti, but with the turmoil there, they can’t—and they didn’t have a plan B.

The first half of life is filled with milestone moments, good and bad: graduating, getting married, having children. Now, the moments we look forward to are not about ourselves. Meaning I pray to see my kids achieve all the major milestones in life. But I’m also looking at menopause, caring for aging parents, retirement planning, and managing new aches and pains. It’s different and easy to lose yourself in it.

Without those big personal milestone moments, I ask myself: what’s next? How do I create new milestones for myself that vented my wants and needs? The truth is, I don’t have i have no clue. I can feel, deep down, how I want midlife to feel—bold, joyful, and free—but the path there feels unclear. So much of my past was shaped by societal norms and the opinions of others. But now? I just want to be free to do me.

To start building that road, I’ve made a list of things I’m committing to:

• Embrace creativity. I’ve picked up The Artist’s Way for the 1,000th time, but this time feels different. This time, I’m ready for the 12-week creative journey.

• Say yes more. In the words of Shonda Rhimes, yes to new opportunities, yes to the things that push me out of my comfort zone.

• Write more. Writing has always been tugging at me—this newsletter is my way of answering that call.

• Plan more solo adventures I love spending time alone but with a three year old, 14, aging parents, work and LIFE, it’s very hard. But when I do I just LOVE IT SO MUCH 💕

• Prioritize my health and wellness—mind, body, and soul. I’ve been doing Pilates for the past three months and going to the gym and I am just loving how I’m feeling!

So here I am—leaning in, ready to say yes, and open to what comes next.

How are you navigating midlife? What do you want this next phase of life to look like for yourself?