49 Pieces
On turning 49 and finally seeing how the picture fits together
My birthday was a few days ago. I’m officially 49 and have entered the last year of my 40s. Something about the end of your 40s feels more pivotal than turning 50. I feel an energetic shift happening within me, like I’m entering a whole new world with bright, hopeful, and slightly apprehensive eyes for what lies ahead. Like a child who can’t sleep the night before the first day of school.
When I say my 40s felt like pieces of a puzzle coming together, I mean that I’ve started to understand how the things I’ve experienced in life had to happen and how it all connects. I see and understand the lessons now. I see why a season of my career that I didn’t love was actually a season of rest. It allowed me to do things and live a life I never could have otherwise.
I’ve been reflecting on what the past nine years have meant to me as I enter this final year of the decade, and I wanted to share it with you. Before writing this post, I went through photos on my camera from nine years ago to remind myself of all that’s transpired, and I was simply in awe of the blessing of a life that I have. So much love and family, coupled with deep grief and loss. But going through those photos left me feeling grateful to have memories that can fill a lifetime of emotions.
So as I share this list, here’s to praying and manifesting a blessed 49, filled with growth, new opportunities, and an abundance of love and living.
1. Career Puzzle: I left a job that I absolutely loved because the work was slowly wearing me out in the worse way possible. The hours were brutal and the environment was toxic. But that job had been a big part of my identity, and once I left, after a few emotional bumps and turns, I rediscovered myself.
2. Body Puzzle: After a lifetime of having an emotionally toxic relationship with food and my body, I can honestly say that in my 40s, I love my body more than I ever have. So much wasted time, but by the grace of God, I have finally arrived.
3. Baby Puzzle: This was the biggest surprise piece of them all. A surprise pregnancy blessing at 45, and just like that I gave birth to my second child, after years of infertility struggles when trying for my first. We had made peace with having just one, because my oldest was already a miracle. And then came miracle number two. I have so much more to say about this experience and more about being 49 with a four year. (Future post coming soon..)
4. Loss Puzzle: My 40s were a decade of epic loss, growth, and self-love. I lost loved ones in ways that transformed me forever, some through sudden deaths, others through long illness. Each loss sharpened my urgency to live fully and to savor every single moment with the people I love.
5. Life Puzzle: We survived COVID and left the city for the suburbs. A major move for a family of die-hard, born-and-raised city folks, but no regrets. More space, more peace.
6. Spiritual Puzzle: My relationship with God in my 40s has been one of my greatest blessings. It grounds me and reminds me that I am not alone and that all will be well.
7. Family Puzzle: My family, both immediate and extended, is such a central part of my life. Nearly every other photo from the last nine years had them in it. I love them so much, and we’ve built so much together that has made my life incredibly full.
Whe I think my life as a puzzle, I now see the full picture as things slowly start to align and fall into place. Each piece had and will continue to have deep meaning and purpose in my life’s journey. I’m looking forward to 49, especially taking risks, continuing to grow Candidly Midlife, potentially becoming a certified Pilates reformer instructor and doing things that I’ve been nervous to do, removing fear from my decision making and living on my own terms.
What puzzle piece has surprised you most in this season of life?
How beautiful. Turning 66 this year shifted my focus forward in terms of “time left” which my partner and I say when we are deliberating doing something that might be outside our comfort zone:)
Well done
Once you cross over into your 50s, no rush, but there’s so much beauty in discovering how much life there is still left to experience. I hope we’re the last generation who was taught that 50s was “old.” Far from it.